my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
