You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
