The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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