Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
