break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
