they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
