RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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