Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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