Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
