I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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