so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
