Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
