This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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