why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize