So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
