yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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