the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They have beer where we have blood.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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