I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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