ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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