i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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