im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
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How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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