I'm lost and stupid without you.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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