well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
