I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Found the puke drawer
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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