Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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