this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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