So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize