Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
