We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
