just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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