we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
