I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
