i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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