Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
