Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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