Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
