If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
