So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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