so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
