It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
