his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize