K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
