I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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