There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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