so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
