your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
