My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
