its not stalking. its research.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
