How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
