So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He did a backflip because drugs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
