I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
