You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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