Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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