she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
