How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
