I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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