my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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