I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
