If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
