just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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