i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
