I skipped work to stalk him.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
