Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize