dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i will never coherently bang her
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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