i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
