Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
