For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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