Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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