The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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