Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
