hotel room ftw
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
