My Higher Power is John Stamos
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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