I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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