come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
