first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
