I am midnight drunk by noon
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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