If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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